"Earlier today, President Obama delivered a speech to America's schoolchildren. And he encouraged them to work hard and study hard. Yeah, then he said if that doesn't work, grab the seat next to the Asian kid."
-- Conan O'Brien, The Tonight Show
"During his speech to American school children earlier today, President Obama said that what you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. But no pressure...
"The President also said that kids -- he told them if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, 'But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.'"
-- Jimmy Fallon, Late Night