“President Obama declared Tuesday he's ninety-five percent cured of smoking but wouldn't say when he last smoked. This is the difference between his generation and the last one. He admits that he used cocaine but he's got to lie about smoking.
“President Obama snapped at reporters Tuesday when they asked if he has quit smoking. His office aides carry Nicorette gum at all times in case he gets a craving. Think of all the political careers that could be saved if somebody would invent Infidelity Gum.
“The White House announced Wednesday that President Obama will stop in Rome and visit with Pope Benedict during his trip to Italy in July. The president wasn't able to comment about the meeting. He was at the National Cathedral posing for a wall."
-- Argus Hamilton, The Comedy Store
"And President Obama, this guy takes everything seriously. He's very upset about what's going on in Iran. As a matter of fact, today he announced that he's going to stop smoking Camels."
-- David Letterman, The Late Show