"President Obama was ripped by animal rights activists for killing a fly during a TV interview. It was grim. He slapped it barehanded and it fell dead to the Oval Office carpet, where it lies next to the president of GM and three Inspector Generals."
-- Argus Hamilton, The Comedy Store
"This is all very ironic, because this is the week that the gay people in America finally really had it up to here with Barack Obama, because he won't come out for gay marriage. He threw them a bone with federal benefits. They didn't like that. They said, 'We are not satisfied and we are feeling neglected.' He said, 'Well, that's almost like being married.'"
--Bill Maher, Real Time
"President Barack Obama spoke on the phone with Lakers coach Phil Jackson and with Dan Bylsma, coach of the Stanley Cup-winning Pittsburgh Penguins. That's cool. Yeah. And in a related story, Joe Biden had a conference call with Tito Jackson and an actual penguin...
"On Wednesday night, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton broke her elbow, so yesterday, she worked from home. Mm-hmm. Yeah, which explains why Bill Clinton spent the day in the backyard forming the words 'Help Me' with garden gnomes."
-- Conan O'Brien, The Tonight Show